During his years as a robotic personal assistant and yes-man for Wham! and Debbie Gibson, Jesse Van Halen shed all his inhibitions and bought some shiny pants, and now he is the head-bangingest keyboard player alive.

Don’t try to stop him, even if he’s making you dizzy, and whatever you do, don’t touch the hat – it’s his life support system!

When he’s not in the basement laboratory experimenting with Smurf genetics, this hyper-genius is kickin it with Jesse’s girl....